Brunette to Blonde

Well, to celebrate day 16 of sobriety, I have become blonde. 34 years of being a brunette: out with the old and in with new! So, I've spent all morning sitting with a stiff arse in the hairdressers chair, looking like Worzel Gummedge with packets of dye in my hair.

The result? I thought I'd feel like it's not me, but actually, I feel like a new and improved me! Anyway, I will do when I've had a little sleep. This being sober malarkey really takes it out of you. I really felt today as though I wanted a drink because I've upset H (my husband) who I love dearly. I hate it when we fall out. He wanted to meet me in town for lunch, but he was really vague about where and what time. Then we called him and lost signal and still he didn't pin down where and when he wanted to meet. It was incredibly busy with Christmas shoppers and I couldn't get parked so I texted him and said I'd see him at home.

He was very annoyed and I think the youngest two were playing him up a bit (the eldest came to the salon with me). As much as I'm sad to have upset him, I spend so much time running round trying to make sure we spend time together. Sometimes, especially now I'm sober, I think I need to go my own way a bit more and follow my head when it tells me that there are better ways of spending time together. My first instinct was to get rat arsed to numb the feelings his annoyance provoked in me, but I've stuck to my guns and just come to bed to relax and look after myself instead.

So, instead of being down, the new, improved, blonde, feisty me would like to tell you a tale from a few years ago. These were the grand old days before the Grandma currently living with us had left her old house in the Midlands, and my other Grandma (living in Whitby) was living happily alone in her warden controlled bungalow.

One night  my dad telephoned her and was alarmed to hear that her television was on at full volume!

(It was a summer's night I believe; in my minds eye I visualise her sitting in the window overlooking the square, the sun seeping in through the windows as she sits down to watch TV.)

Grandma: Helloooo

Dad: Mother! What's going on? Turn that TV set down!

Grandma: What??

Dad (shouting): Turn it down!!!!!

Grandma (turning TV down slowly and also shouting): I've gone deaf!

Dad: Well you will if you have the TV on so loudly!

Grandma: No, I've gone deaf. Since yesterday. Fluid on the ear - Doctor says it'll need syringing! 

(Volume on the television begins to increase steadily)

Grandma: So I've had to have the television on at full volume, just to watch Holby City!

Dad: For feck's sake, don't turn it up again, think of your poor neighbours. Put the subtitles on.

Grandma: What are they?

Dad: The words come up on the screen and...

Grandma: Hey???

Dad: Right. Mother. Mute the television.....  that's right... oh feck that's better! Now, press text....

Grandma: I've pressed text.....

Dad: Great! Now press 888 and you should find that...

Grandma: Eeeeeh! Isn't that clever? So I know what they're saying now.... he's telling her this, and she's replying with that... Oh that's marvellous! 

Dad: Brill. Now keep the TV turned down until after your ears are syringed otherwise you'll get a nasty shock when you turn it back on again.

Grandma: Will do. Eeeh, look at that! The words even change colour to show when the coloured Doctor's speaking!

My dad never had the heart to explain that, regardless of skin colour, the words on the screen change to depict the speaker!

Wishing you a gorgeous sober afternoon and evening. To be honest, one of the only things stopping me from going back to my old ways tonight is that I had a dream last night in which I was horribly drunk and confused and ashamed of myself!

Another cup of tea, Classic FM and a chapter of my book will sort me out!

Zx